You Never Can Tell : Summary

Summary

 Summary

Setting and Background: George Bernard Shaw’s “You Never Can Tell” (1897) is a witty social comedy. It is set in an English seaside town during the late Victorian period. The story unfolds mainly between a dentist’s office and the Marine Hotel. It explores the contrast between old-fashioned Victorian morality and the new spirit of freedom and independence rising in modern society. The central characters are members of the Clandon family, who have returned to England after living abroad for eighteen years. Shaw uses humor, argument, and surprise to examine relationships between men and women, parents and children, and ideals and emotions. The title itself suggests the unpredictability of life and human nature.

The Dentist’s Office and First Encounters: The play opens on a bright August morning in 1896 in the chamber of a young dentist named Mr. Valentine. He is thirty years old, energetic, and hopeful, though his career has hardly begun. His room is neat and spacious, yet it shows traces of poverty. For six weeks, he has waited without a single patient. Suddenly, his first patient arrives —a lively young girl named Dolly Clandon. She has come from Madeira with her family for dental treatment. Valentine charges her five shillings for a tooth extraction and another five if she wants anesthesia. Dolly is amazed to learn she is his first patient, but Valentine assures her that she is safe in skilled hands. With humor and confidence, he successfully extracts her tooth, though she refuses gas to save the extra fee.

As they talk, Dolly’s twin brother Philip enters. He is sharp, observant, and highly curious about people’s behavior. The twins quickly take a liking to Valentine and invite him to lunch at the Marine Hotel, where they are staying with their mother and elder sister. At first, Valentine hesitates, saying that he hardly knows their family, but finally, he agrees. This cheerful scene of friendship and curiosity sets the tone for the entire play.

Meeting the Clandon Women: When Valentine prepares to go for lunch, Mrs. Clandon, the twins’ mother, and her elder daughter, Gloria, arrive at the dentist’s office. Mrs. Clandon is a strong-minded woman and a self-proclaimed feminist. She has raised her children with modern principles of equality and independence. Gloria, her eldest daughter, is serious and intelligent and seems to have inherited her mother’s proud ideals. Dolly introduces Valentine to them, and an instant attraction sparks between Valentine and Gloria. Shaw hints that this meeting will lead to romantic complications later.

At that moment, Valentine’s maid announces that his landlord wants to see him. To avoid trouble, Valentine tells her to say that he is busy with four patients. Mrs. Clandon is surprised by this lie and asks him why he deceives his landlord. Valentine honestly admits that he has had no patients in six weeks and fears eviction, but he hopes his landlord will believe his business is now growing. Mrs. Clandon laughs and forgives his harmless trick. Before leaving, she requests Valentine to bring his landlord to their lunch. Her polite invitation will soon create a dramatic surprise.

The Return of the Father: After Mrs. Clandon departs, Dolly and Philip ask their mother about their father, but she refuses to discuss him. She calls him an old-fashioned man who could not adjust to her progressive mind. Soon after, an elderly gentleman arrived at the clinic with a severe toothache. He is Mr. Fergus Crampton, a stern, quick-tempered man who carries the air of authority. Valentine begins to treat him while Dolly looks on. The old man gazes at Dolly with emotion and tells her that she reminds him of someone he once knew. When Dolly curiously questions him about his age and family, he grows irritated and loses his temper. The young Clandons leave the chamber, puzzled by his behavior. The audience, however, understands what they do not—that this man is actually their estranged father, whom they have never met. Thus, Shaw cleverly plants the seed of recognition and family conflict.

The Terrace of the Marine Hotel: The second act shifts to the sunny terrace of the Marine Hotel, overlooking the sea. Here, Mr. Crampton and Valentine engage in a long conversation about marriage and human relationships. Valentine is optimistic and romantic; he believes marriage brings companionship and joy. Mr. Crampton, on the other hand, is bitter and cynical. He insists that marriage only brings misery and disappointment. He finally confesses that his wife left him eighteen years ago and took their three children away. Since then, he has lived alone and unhappily. This revelation connects the two men in sympathy, though neither yet knows that the Clandons are Crampton’s lost family.

Inside the hotel, Mrs. Clandon, Philip, and Mr. McComas, an old friend and lawyer, discuss social issues. Mrs. Clandon speaks proudly of her modern ideas and her dislike for socialism. McComas advises her to be more flexible and warns that her strict intellectual ideals may make her daughter’s life unhappy. When he asks why she has called him, she replies playfully that she merely wished to see an old friend. The audience, however, senses that she plans to confront the problem of her children’s missing father.

The Truth Revealed: The third act continues in the Clandons’ sitting room at the hotel. Mrs. Clandon tells Mr. McComas that she has finally decided to reveal to her children who their father is. She feels that the time for secrecy is over. She asks McComas to tell them gently, hoping they will understand. McComas begins by describing their father as a respectable and wealthy man who lives in the same town. When he mentions the name Mr. Crampton, Dolly claps her hands in surprise, but Philip becomes furious. He cannot accept his father as such a cold, angry man. McComas scolds him, reminding him that no one can choose his parents. The tension softens when the twins recall that they had already met Mr. Crampton that morning at the dentist’s office.

Mrs. Clandon and Gloria go inside to prepare for lunch, while the mischievous twins remain behind. They persuade William Bohun, the witty and philosophical waiter of the hotel, to play a trick on Mr. Crampton. When Crampton arrives with Valentine, Bohun greets him respectfully and announces that he will soon be dining with his wife and children. Crampton thinks the waiter is mocking him and becomes furious, but Bohun calmly explains that the information is correct. Shocked and speechless, Crampton realizes that his lost family is near. The act ends on a note of tension and curiosity about their reunion.

The Humiliation at Lunch: The fourth act begins later that day during the long-awaited family lunch. Mr. Crampton arrives nervously, hoping to reconcile with his wife and children. But the meal turns awkward from the very beginning. The children, especially Philip and Dolly, treat him lightly and tease him with careless jokes. Gloria remains silent and distant, observing the situation with pride. Mr. Crampton feels deeply wounded by their disrespect and realizes how far they have drifted from his old-fashioned manners. Mrs. Clandon, though polite, keeps her distance. The atmosphere becomes a mix of embarrassment and irony. Through this scene, Shaw gently mocks both the father’s rigid discipline and the children’s modern insolence. He shows that neither extreme (strict authority nor careless freedom) can create harmony. The lunch becomes a comic battlefield of generations, where everyone talks but no one truly listens.

Gloria and Valentine’s Love: Amid this family confusion, a new romantic thread grows between Gloria and Valentine. Valentine is charmed by her intelligence and beauty, while Gloria struggles between attraction and pride. Raised in her mother’s feminist ideals, she believes marriage limits a woman’s independence. Yet she cannot deny her feelings for the young dentist. Philip and Dolly, always playful, notice the attraction and tease their sister. Mrs. Clandon, too, observes the signs and warns Gloria not to lose her self-control. She insists that love is often a weakness that traps women in traditional roles. According to her, there are two kinds of families: one built on mutual understanding and the other dominated by men. She proudly declares that her own family belongs to the first type and that Gloria therefore does not need to marry. This conversation lays bare the feminist philosophy that Shaw both celebrates and gently questions.

Conflict Between Love and Ideals: Despite her mother’s warnings, Gloria cannot escape the growing affection between herself and Valentine. Valentine openly confesses his love and praises her beauty, honesty, and spirit. Gloria listens coldly at first, insisting that a woman with self-respect cannot marry. Their dialogue becomes a battle between emotion and reason. Gloria accuses Valentine of being untrustworthy because she has heard he once proposed to several women. Valentine admits it without shame, explaining that a man naturally seeks the right companion before finding the true one. Now that he has found his ideal partner, he will never propose to another. To prove his sincerity, he compares love to a chemical reaction in which two elements combine to create something entirely new.

In the same way, when two hearts unite, they give birth to a new life and purpose. Gloria, moved by his simple honesty, begins to trust him. She confesses that she, too, felt a sudden rush of life when she first met him. Their argument ends with a tender kiss, symbolizing the union of love and intellect.

Comic Interference and Reconciliation: Just when everything seems settled, Shaw adds a humorous twist. The clever waiter Bohun, who has been quietly observing everyone, tells Valentine that Gloria herself has had several admirers before him. Valentine feels shocked for a moment but quickly recovers, laughing at the irony of human nature. Bohun becomes the voice of practical wisdom, reminding them that life is full of surprises and contradictions. His famous line, “You never can tell,” becomes the final comment on all the confusion of love, family, and ideals.

Meanwhile, Mr. Crampton, feeling lonely and humbled, asks forgiveness from his wife and children. Mrs. Clandon softens and admits that both of them made mistakes. Their children, seeing their parents’ honesty, finally accept their father. The family, once divided by pride and misunderstanding, is reunited. Valentine and Gloria decide to marry, proving that love can exist beside independence. Laughter replaces anger, and hope replaces bitterness. The play ends not with dramatic speeches but with gentle humor and warm reconciliation. Shaw leaves his audience smiling yet thoughtful, aware that in human affairs, no plan or principle can predict the final outcome: for truly, you never can tell.